The more I discover who I am on the spiritual journey and the more I sit with ministry leaders seeing their passion, hearing their longing, feeling their pain…the more I notice that many of us are being honest and asking—
Why am I here?
If I believe that I am here to serve Jesus, change the world and help people there will be constant pressure and wondering if I am doing enough. Human need in this broken world is endless, my energy is limited, and let’s be honest—ministry work is messy and not all that fulfilling sometimes. These revelations can be jolting to a pure hearted ministry leader who started out with very different expectations.
But God is at the center of our ministry story and He is always calling us deeper into intimacy with Him. That is where the journey is going for us (thankfully!) no matter how hard we kick and scream when everything appears absolutely different and backwards.
I am here to enjoy God and let Him love me.
Though in the beginning, I have to admit I thought otherwise. I thought I was here to change the world, to love Jesus. I thought that’s what a disciple did. But now I see these are secondary callings.
A disciple is before a disciple does.
Yes, a disciple is an accepted son or daughter that allows God to love them. Jesus’ behavior followed His secure identity as God’s beloved son. If the most important thing about Jesus is that He is God’s beloved Son, then the most important thing about me is the same. I see Jesus in John 13 washing the disciples’ feet with unhurried savoring. He was enjoying their presence, remembering the good times on the road with them. He was grateful that they received Him and let Him love them. He knew they would eventually do, but first they received.
He created me to receive love from Him, not to do something for Him.
The more I open myself up to receive and notice this Love, the more filled I am, filled to overflowing with love to others. Ministry then becomes an overflow, a by-product, not a duty.
I think God brings us all, at some point in our journey, to discover that ministry, marriage, children, The American Dream…..you name it…..in no way compares to intimacy with Him. So if these things feel flat to you right now….be glad! It is an invitation for your inner life with God to blossom in new ways. And for you to discover you are here to be loved.